Small Picture- day 2
Early trauma has shaped my little girl’s brain. She faces the world with eyes that search for danger and behaviors that seek to control and self preserve. She pushes away those who love her most. But things are slowly changing. Repetition, reassurance, intentionality in every single thing is slowly doing the work of rewiring her brain and teaching safety, acceptance, security. I cling to the small things. The tiniest signs of hope, of change, of healing. Her bigger differences- the ones strangers can notice- are so insignificant in light of these hidden things. Yes she can eat solid food now. And yes, she can say that word correctly. We celebrate those too. But let's zoom in on the microscopic picture- when she uses her words to tell me that her brother is making her mad instead of retreating inside herself and screaming. When she willingly walks into school, repeating the story that mama always picks her up. It's when she seeks out comfort when hurt rather than seething in anger. The smallest details- the day I peeked into her classroom and saw her calmly interacting with her classmates- give me hints at the minute work going on inside of her head and give me the greatest cause for celebration! She is safe- she can turn off the hypervigilence for a moment. She belongs- someone will comfort her and kiss her owies. She is loved- she is not being sent away for expressing her anger. The small picture is our hidden picture. The mystery of how love and grace can heal the most broken among us.
Early trauma has shaped my little girl’s brain. She faces the world with eyes that search for danger and behaviors that seek to control and self preserve. She pushes away those who love her most. But things are slowly changing. Repetition, reassurance, intentionality in every single thing is slowly doing the work of rewiring her brain and teaching safety, acceptance, security. I cling to the small things. The tiniest signs of hope, of change, of healing. Her bigger differences- the ones strangers can notice- are so insignificant in light of these hidden things. Yes she can eat solid food now. And yes, she can say that word correctly. We celebrate those too. But let's zoom in on the microscopic picture- when she uses her words to tell me that her brother is making her mad instead of retreating inside herself and screaming. When she willingly walks into school, repeating the story that mama always picks her up. It's when she seeks out comfort when hurt rather than seething in anger. The smallest details- the day I peeked into her classroom and saw her calmly interacting with her classmates- give me hints at the minute work going on inside of her head and give me the greatest cause for celebration! She is safe- she can turn off the hypervigilence for a moment. She belongs- someone will comfort her and kiss her owies. She is loved- she is not being sent away for expressing her anger. The small picture is our hidden picture. The mystery of how love and grace can heal the most broken among us.
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