** Note: no photos accompany this post because I actually do draw the line somewhere for inappropriate things to post on the internet... at least for photos... I'll still write all about said inappropriate things**
So I had a mom of the year morning... like really. Not sarcastically. Last night I made a batch of salt dough, cut it all out into round ornaments, and baked them for Corbin-o to decorate. I even painted a base coat on about 3 dozen little round salt dough ornaments and had them sitting out on the kitchen counter, drying like perfect little sugar cookies. [Insert First Giant Sign That Things Were Going to End Badly] Mr. Incredible came home and commented on how I had time to make cookies... but I corrected him before he could break his teeth.
The next morning I got Corbin and his high chair all prepped for a mess and let him go crazy with the paint and the slat dough ornaments. And everything went swimmingly! He painted about 20 of them and they were super cute, albeit abstract as all get out, original little ornaments that I had great ideas for using as little gift tie-ons, decorations for our tree, grandma stocking stuffers, etc. I also painted about 10 of them just for kicks.
[Insert Second Giant Sign That Things Were Going to End Badly] I then got the brilliant idea to give a Corbin-o original to each of his little play group pals. I slapped some modge podge on about half the ornaments, grabbed the hair dryer, and dried them really quick. A little ribbon and bam- super cute little ornaments. Once again, everything was going swimmingly... which I should have realized was a bad, bad sign.
Fast forward to this afternoon when I arrived home. The bean had fallen asleep in the car so I planned on bringing things into the house and quieting Nora before attempting to put him into his bed. I walked into our dark house and Nora greeted me without her usual raucous bow-wowing but with her head down and ears back. As I felt around for the light switch, my nose was assaulted with a slightly beefy smell. I found the light right before I nearly stepped in a puddle of slime and brightly colored dog puke. Nora took off at this point.
As I covered my mouth and nose and followed after Nora, I had to dodge several puddles down the hallway. The hallway of horror as I will now refer to it as.
Approaching the kitchen I forded another giant, rainbow colored puddle o' puke and found Nora cowering near a piece of tinfoil and one- only one!- Corbin ornament. Conclusion: Nora ate nearly 3 dozen salt dough, painted and modge podged ornaments... my one-of-a-kind Christmas memory/gifts/heirlooms. And she was sick as a dog. Literally.
I sent the dog out with a big bucket of water (salt makes you thirsty) and set about cleaning the hallway of horror and the kitchen. And I prayed Corbin would stay asleep until I finished sterilizing the floors.
I cleaned everything up but the thought occurred to me that there was just not enough rainbow-colored chunks to make up 36 salt dough ornaments. So I looked around outside but didn't find anything.
I came back in the house and was about to collapse on the couch for a recovery moment (deserved, I'd say) when I discovered the rest of the salt dough ornaments...digested and covered in stomach slime of course, and 'deposited' oh-so-convienently in our couch. Like buried in the cushions.
So for the rest of the afternoon, I wrestled the covers off the couch, scrubbed the parts that are not removable, and did copious loads of laundry. Corbin woke up right as the last load was going in the dryer and all dog puke was removed from the house. Whew...
So I'm setting up a paypal donate box if you'd like to contribute to our New Couch Fund. If you're planning on coming over and sitting on our couch anytime soon, I promise its clean... as clean as it can be at least!