Day 5

Then and Now (me)- Day 5

This is a hard one to write. Not because there hasn’t been changes but because there have been so many of them. There’s the gray hairs and the extra wrinkles. There’s the redirection of finances, the new ways I spend my time and energy. But maybe the most significant change in me has been the collapse of any semblance of togetherness I once thought I had. 

Adoption has brought me to my knees- and then onto my face- more times than I care to recall. I am continually reminded of my own selfishness and sinfulness and ever present need for a Savior. Adoption is a redemptive picture. Living within that picture has a way of making oneself very aware of all the ways they fall short and fail. And the amount of intentionality and grace needed to parent a child from a hard place reminds me daily- no really, every moment- that I need Jesus and I need Him bad. I suppose pre-adoption Anna knew this all in her head… post-adoption Anna has experienced that need in a very real way. The road to learning this lesson has been painful and hard but I never want to go back to the way things were before. I can do nothing of my own strength and expect things to turn out ok. But in acknowledging my neediness- my brokenness and messiness- there is a freedom to live in the moment and appreciate the moments.